


My Name is Nea Phasma

by lesbianphasma



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/F, Gen, I cant believe im posting this stuff im just gonna, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, actual reysma stuff will come later I promise, leave this here, minor character death in chapter 2, probably small character studies, there will be a few parts to this wait and see
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-02-24
Packaged: 2018-05-17 09:37:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5864287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianphasma/pseuds/lesbianphasma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>More personal interpretations of Captain Phasma & her vague fall from the Order<br/>--- Vent writing, it's very flourishy? </p><p> <br/>-------Implied Reysma, Religious Imagery<br/>-------Headcanons Phasma's birthname as Nea meaning "lustrous; goal, purpose"<br/>-------The format is a little weird here but it's not hard to read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

My name is Neä Phasma.

I am a former mother of the First Order.  
Together, we were Gods.  
Supreme Leader Snoke; the father  
Kylo Ren; the son & his terrible  
Force; the spirit

General Hux; ((the surrogate)) &  
I ((Captain Phasma; the Mother))

Served to raise and protect Kylo- a vehicle of the Father's will.  
We were chosen from the flesh to become more than me.  
For that is as scripture said; I suppose.

 

My name is Neä Phasma.

I have discarded the shell of the jewel beetle;  
I have taken a title and made it a name.  
I have turned my sword towards my brothers.  
A mercenary instead of a knight.

When I was forced with a life or death situation, I chose life.  
I could not go through with a martyrdom without my crowd.  
I thought myself enough to live another day; not to throw myself into the pit of lions.

"I am a God"  
I thought.

But five steps into Eden and I was already lost. The terrain was  
unfamiliar and I; a Golem, was as  
heavy as the planet itself.

And yet to be conquered by  
the dust-- dancing on the  
edge of the light around my  
face and hands; I could not  
grasp her or pin her to my  
eyes long enough to see.  
She helped me instead of killing me. She asked to see my face.  
Her request withheld the word  
Monster. She noticed my  
trembling hands. I growled.

 

The Jedi proved immensely skilled in survival  
a great addition to any team; at least in matters  
like this  
I could trust her. I would help.

 

Rey, head Jedi of the Resistance, and I became trapped on a swampland after a failed boarding attempt. She was separated from the other members of her vehicle {Data: Poe Damron, FN-2187, a Wookie. }

Her escape pod landed in an area near mine; which is why she found me entangled in the vines of a tree-- my heavy armor had weighed me down enough to crash through rotting treebark I had misguidedly sought support on.

 

I am a being of great pride B U T  
I allowed her to assist me down.  
I did not let her touch me.  
She did not free me. I freed myself.  
She simply aided in my process.

It was allowable. Gods accept deeds in their name.

As a rule; I do not trust Jedi.  
The scars run on my back and  
at my throat. I C A N T  
fully remember the circumstance  
of these injuries; I F I C A N T  
It means the fault of the incident was  
M I N E && I was sent for reconditioning.  
It seems part of the resolution is  
the knowledge of their sins.  
Among them, I can only see the R E D  
Behind my eyes.

I R E M E M B E R --> {{ I didn't know forgiveness meant forgetting. I was built with false fear by KYLO REN. He burnt his cross into me. Even now I feel like I must consider him a friend. My hate is directed otherwise. }}

 

I was Captain Phasma.  
Her name is Rey.

After being freed by Rey, she accompanied me as we attempted to figure out the terrain of this hostile planet.  
We were both unfamiliar with the particulars of the biome & her assistance was appreciated. She asked me to keep my helmet off. My face was drenched in sweat. She kept eye contact to establish dominance.

 

|||||| Here Are Some Truths

1, Around Rey I feel Amplified.  
Despite being fully clothed in my armor  
besides my Helmet, my body feels lighter.  
I feel the beats of my heart on the backside  
of the shiny chrome.

2, I Fear the Pretty Face and Will to Kill.  
The stories that had filtered their way  
to me revealed that Rey often brought  
her enemies to the brink of death  
before pulling away. She lets them  
taste it. She opts to let them live.  
Oh but how she could.  
Her eyes are like Tourmaline.  
She is trying to make herself Artemis;  
the beauty who's counterpart seeks the sun.  
Young, Powerful, Independent, Resolved.  
She knows her needs.

3, For Sapphic are my Desires.  
I have full control over my personal urges  
Hunger, Nausea, Arousal, Exhaustion.  
I tell myself this to remind myself that it is false.  
But I try. I try to create that truth.  
I have not felt that flush like this. I could not.  
The Automaton watching hungrily? Her? Her??

 

I am Distressed.  
My name is Neä Phasma.

We Gods crave the flesh of the sacrifice of man.


	2. PN-1418

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2: Pre "Phasma" days  
> \----This includes the zalgo font, so if your computer runs slowly around that font or you don't like it, you may not want to read  
> \----Again, a slightly weird layout for how this is organized   
> \---- Nea {PN-1481} talks about her friends & early trooper training.

My name is PN-1481.   
My friends call me Nea. 

Every day I leave a footprint on a different inch of the base.   
I walk laps, trying to know as much of it as I can.   
It is much nicer here than it was in the storm.   
I sleep in a bed that holds my bones in my body.   
I like the metal better than the cots. 

My closest friends are HM-1700 {Him; Male; 21} and PN-3180 {Turn; Gender Witheld; 22}.   
Him is training with the sandtroopers. Turn is in my division. 

Last week, they cut my braid off. I stared with interest at all of the hair colors tumbling in ribbons down onto the floor, systematically swept down by gravity into tiny pores in the ground. I watched my own tail of gold flop lifelessly to the ground, severed from the animal. I relinquished in the relief on my neck. The hairs no longer pulled on the tattoo on my left shoulder blade.   
PN-1481.   
Barely lines, and some how, for me, a name. 

 

Enough. 

 

Rule 1: Cease; Dismiss  
>>> A trooper has a first & second face.   
The mask of porcelain equalizes all under their husky voices. We are all brothers. We are not clones-- we have separate breath--   
but there is no need for distinction beyond that. A BATTLE IS A CAUSE NOT A CONTEST. 

Comlink Direct\\\Nea* to Him**:   
*"Why is the mask so heavy? I don't like the strain the model puts around my ears"   
**"They get more comfortable with time. You learn to trust your helmet more than bare skin soon enough."  
*"I'll take your word for it"...

Rule 2: Trust your own hands  
>>> A trooper is responsible for themselves & their shots.   
A trooper must learn to shoot as virtue  
Smite like a good even with blind eyes.   
A trooper must trust their own weapons,   
but first they must learn  
to trust your own hands. YOU CANT SERVE  
WITH HANDS BUILT TO BETRAY. 

Comlink Direct\\\Turn** to Nea*:   
**"Hey Nea, what were the cuts on your hands from today? Are you ok?"   
*"Yea, I'm fine. I was trying to figure out how some of the smaller blades worked in independent training. I feel like I'm not entirely used to my aim with the blaster. I just want a backup. You can't be too prepared, can you?."  
**"Oh, yea. That does make sense. Well, be careful. I don't trust the nonstandard weapons. Seems useless for me to learn anything beyond basic regulation. I shouldn't be surprised tho, you're always going above and beyond with these sort of things"...

Rule 3: With the Urge to Resist  
>>> To feel is too be human. A trooper is always allowed to feel. Those who have denied human need have always aimed to bind man to false law.  
Order comes from sane susception to real  
temptation. WE LEARN TO TRUST AN URGE.

Comlink Shared\\\Nea*|Turn**|Him***   
*** "Hey are you guys coming to the Nimbus Quadrant? 19s and Dean and I are drinking if anyone is interested. Nea, that cute technician will be there if you're interested?"  
** "Oh gads yea, I'll be down there ASAP. I don't have an access card for that quarter so I'll need you to get me at the door."  
***"Rodger that"  
Nea {⦿ Read at 16;29}  
** "Uh, Nea? Are you coming?"  
Nea {⦿ Read at 18;15}

 

I like life on the base, though.   
Everything is run with nothing left errant.  
I:   
•get my hair cut to the same length on the same day every month.   
•eat the same meal every day for breakfast. I know   
exactly when my favorite meals will repeat for lunch   
and dinner, based on the scheduling.   
•do my routine, train, learn, breathe the order. I take in everything I can from the polish and the metal and the   
glass the people. I like everyone here.   
•trace my nails on my armor, along edges that don't betray me.   
•am getting better here. 

Still, I spend time with my friends and my squadron. I can feel when they are tense. I like that I can always feel when  
Turn is upset. Sometimes, I hold imaginary conversations with them. I always feel like when we do speak after having them, we understand each other perfectly. 

I like having these friends. 

\--------------------------------------Year 2---ENd. 

pèr҉sơnal t͏ext̸ ̀l͞o̵g̨ I̕ I͘ t͟h̛i͏n̕k i͟'͟m̛ ̷g̨o̧i̷ņg̶ ̡to die͠ ̕here ͡ ͞ ͘my ҉f̢i̡r͡s̵t o͞rder̀ w̸a̶s ̶t͘o͟ ̵kill ҉H͟i͠m͏. ͟

Ȉ͌̐̓t͆'ͪ͋̍ͨ̉͘sͬͬ͌ ̌́̌͂̓̌ͯg̏̽͌̅͗͏e̓̎́̚t̶̀͐ͤͧ̾̚t̚͘į̎̑ͥ̋ͯn̓̔̓̽ġ̒́ w҉oͬ̓̌ͤ̌͐ͭr̨͆̾ͦs̸̋eͥͪ̂͒͠ ̿ͮ̓̍̚h͂͆̊ͫ̎ͨeͮͥ͂̓̚r͝e͂̇͊͗ͥ ̍ͯ̇̈e̷̋̒̏͋̔ͨ͗v͑ȇ̓͛̓̀҉r̨͋ŷ̡ͨ̇͂ͨͩ̚ ̎ͯd̨͂̂aͩ͋y̍͑̄͒͐.ͨ ̡̊̆̈́ ͆̀̾̎ ̎̕I̷͋̐ͥ̈ ͬͥͩ̔͐̍c̅a̴͒̋ͬ̒ͩn͢ ̡̑̈͒ͤ͊̄͗b̈̇̄͐a͆ͬ͗͑ͦ̒͑r̡͌eͬ͊̌̎ͯͩ̎l̿͐̒̌y ̡̍ͩb̎̓͑ͤ̊͌ͧ́ȑ̿ͥͩïn̸g̿̂́̀̒ ̷ͮ̌́͋͐̆̐m̵̈ͣͥ͌̓̿y̨ͦͧͣ̈́ͩ̓ͥs͛̀̂ͬͨeͧ͛̒̉̎ͬ̇lͦḟ̍͗͋ ̍̍̍̔̎ͥ̓tòͫ̒̈́̃͒̃͝ ̍̈́ͨ͢tͦ͢aͬͬ̊͗͗̓͢k̨͂ͪ̊̒̈̍e̅̅̏̈́ͦ҉ ͩ͌ͩ̓͏d͊̈́͊͋̍ͮ̆o҉w͊̋̓ͮ̅͡n̽ ̡͑̄tͪ̀͂̔̓̆h̑͋̂͌̓̎e ̶͒̽m̆̔̍̓̍̕ȅ̵aͫ̑͘l̛͊ͤͪ̃s̔̿̆̆ͯ ̷ ̨I̶͂͊ͮ̈́̿ ͯͪ͊ͬ̆͠k̑̄̐̓no͗ͬwͩ͟ ̧͐̌ͯ̏͂́͐Ĭ̂ͮ̈́̔̐̏҉t̛̀̌'̎ͪ̾͜s̾̽́̈́̄͑̄ ̉̄͋̒p̑̈̇̇ͩ҉rͨ͐͛̂̆̇ȍ̸͆̊̓ͬ͆b͗ͣͧ͞â̄̚b̷ͨ͑̈ͣ͊̾l̓y ͐ͮ̓f̨͛̄orͮ͋ ̶ͭ̍th̀eͯ̿͑̌̽̿͒̀ ̡ͦ̇ͦ̆̈͂bͬ͂̀ͭ́e̐̒̅̍ͮ͊s̷t̶ ͂ͧt̽͌͆͝h̊͒ͪ͆́aͦ͑̑́t̕ ̈́͒̓I͒ͮ͊ͣ̈́̈́͘ ̀̃d̍̌͆̄͒̓ō̸̋n̍̊͠'͂̈̉͐͛ͬt eͯͨat͐ͯ̚ ̶͂̑̈́̏̂ͣ̓t̸́̓̀͑̇ͭhe͐͂͐̓ͭ̇m̡̋ͯͫ͗͆̇̇.̾ͪ̏̐̓̀ ͩͯM̓̆̀̿a̎͐̀̚y̡̑b̓͛͗̂eͭ͂̋͛ ͡t̴̏ͤͫh̃ͧ͂̍eͦ́̃ͩỷ̛̂̊ ̔ͦͧ̋̿̍̕wͨ̋ͬ̐̂̚͡o̿̓n̶͑̎̋̂ͪ'̢̒ͩ́ͫt̢̏̏ͪ̎ͮͬ ̵ͤ͊p̅́͂ͪù̢̍̓ͩt̊̍ͣ ̒̈́̂͐̌̄͏m͐̀e̕ ̇̎̃̌o͒ͯu̒ͯͭ̑̂̂ͦ͏t͆ͭ̉ͮ̽ ̿͛́iͮ͑̀ͩ̅̅n ͠t̐̋̂ͫh̾̊̏͌ͧ̐e͑̄̆̚ ̑̐̏̌f̵ͮͭie̊ld́?̢ͦ ͒̂̓ͮ̅҉

T̰̃͡h͎͎̹̝͖͂̑̄̀eͣ̀̽ͪ́ý̙̺ ̣̰̥̘̟͕̱̊s̤̹̼̾̅̆͋͗ͫ͒ả̱͕̀̋͐͌͞y͍̼̣͖̲̱̝̐̽ͯ̊ͮ̾͞ ̜̔̿ͣ͟Ḯ̦̣̩̖͍͉̻ͪ̽́'͈̯̥̻ͥ͠m̄̋̈́ͩͨ̚ ̳̹̜̽͊̉̏̐͢g̛̲̔ͬ̑͑̌o̙̝͉̭̠ͬ̑͗ͣ̚i̟ͫͪ͌̆͌͌ñ̠̺̥̘͈̳̻̀ͪ̈́g̸̖̘͓̬̰̫̣̊̄ͮ̋ͯͩ̚ ̶̩̐ͬ͊̋̎̚t͈̥ͬ̄̎ͮ̌̕o̞̫̹͉͒̉̅̔͛̀̚ ̱͖̰͆m͖͓̩͉̽ͥͅḙ̵̥̯̇̒ͩͮͪͦͣeͬ̀ͨͮͨ͒̈t͑̿́͏͍͇͓ ͎̹̯͎ͮt̜̤̃̓̏ͮ̾h̖̗̺̉͜e̸̩ͬ̍̒̍͊ͨ͛ ภεΔ͓̝̞̖̑b̜̗͍ͩ͛͌̊̔͢o͓̙̾͒̔ͬ̀y̞͎ͬ?̜̟ͯ ͯ̀̌̒̏̚̚͏̪ ̻̦̖̆̿̂̏ͫ̽̅̀ ͤ͛͊̀̉̉͑͝Ẁ̫͎̘h͛̏̚o̴͉̖̜͗̚ͅ ̑̎̈͏͇̣ͅi̦̟̦̗̺̥̓ͨ̿̄s̨̬̙̜̱͕ͭ̑̾̔ ͔͕̙̏̒̉tͫͯͭ̏̏͛̚ȟ̹̫̫e̘̪͎̖̅͆́ͅ ̝̻̬̰̇̏b͍͕̭͋ȏ̵͍̣̹̼̓̌̓̄yͭ̔ͥ̿?̷̯͈̺͆ͅ ̶͖̒͌͋ ̸̝̮͊̌͑̓ ̙̞̙̰ͤ̅ภ͌̄҉ε̱ͨ͐̀͟Δ̲̲ ̙̩̻͔ͅR̭͉̝̿̌͛Ȅ͈̼͓ͨͩ͐m̎̈̎̒͒̈͏̙͉̰̙̤ͅe̪̹ͯ̐̍b̗̟̣̼͓̐ภεΔȅ̩̜͍͈̊̔͒̚r̺͉͔̋ͬͬͫ̕ ̨̫̰̭̍ͮภ͉̖̦̍̐͘ε͋̇Δ̝̬̩͚̩̻ ̷̺̈͒ͅ ̺̱̰̹̺ͭ̚I̡͔̞̦ͅs͍̫̠̜̓͒̿͒͆̉̾͟ͅ ͉͚̳̱̞ỉ̶̠̖͇̳̥͛t͈̥͎̲̜̬ͣ͆̏ͧ̔̾ͤͅ ͙͚͈̹ͪ̐̇͛t̤̝̊̂̏͌ͩ̊̃͟h̴̟͖̱͛̅͛ë͔͉͈́̊ͯ ̹͚̹͔͎̅R̢̗̣̺̟̝̪̪̎e͋ͮ̍̃͆҉͍̣̪͎̺̹ñ̨̳͓̜̳͕ͩ̃̏ ภεΔ̟̖̙̖̯̍ͤ̍ͯ͛ͯI̮͇̪̖̯̾ͩ̔̊͆͛̈͝ ̠͓̜̹̦̊̈̿k͎̝̺̪͇̰̅̄͐́͞ͅë͗ͩ̾͌ͧ҉͍̻̝̩ȩ͇̲̩̗̜̌͒͂̉ͅp̦ͯͯ͒ͨͬ͑̚ ̖͙̣͕͙̜͑̑̈̏̏̈́ͥh̄̓͏͚̹̥̙̳̻e͒̀a̮͎̠͌͒ͩͅr̯͢i͈̪̩̪̖͚̒̐ͫ̊̎ͨͣṉ̩̜̪͍̣̇̋ͫ̔̾ͫภεΔĝͮ҉̱͖̞̥ͅ ̤̜̜ͦͯ͒̉͆̐w̝̻̦̋h̥̲͍̳̱͟ͅi̺͉̪̻͔̬ͫ̄̏s̼̗̻̣̤ͧ̋̈̏̀p̰͎̓eͮ̾ͧͦ͒r̭̯̯̟͈͚̱̅̈̿s̝̰̻̑̂͗ ͇̭͂ͯͮ̍̓ͨ͋́a̬̓b̗̖̩̫͈̀ͧͨ̆̽ọ̖̲̞̳̀͊ͤͦȕ̲̮͇ͨ̾͡t̺̭̩͉͓ͩͧ̾ͤ͗ͬ̚͟?͕̭̱͖̮̦̈́ͭ̿͌̇͂͋͡ͅ ̮̱̫͖̮̟̣͟ ̠̝̺͍͈̅ ͕͓̬͕̇I̅̄͂̐҉̠̩̖m͖̲̺̤̟͊ͩͭ.͎̣̽ͦ́ͨͥ͝ ̡̏͆ͥ̒I̡̯'̣̰̳͓͊͌ͫm̎̑̐ͨ ̠͍̂̃̌̈́̾r̹̬͙̘̯͇̋ͭ͗e̶̟̲̖͆ͨ̊a̲͔l̶͑l̹̲͎͍̣̼̺̐̇̀̏̚̚y͏̪͖̫͇̝ ͕̜̭̹̣̝̝sç̞̙͔͍̭͒̇̈͛̚a̍̍̎̃͝r̻̤̜̟̪͓ͤe̯͙̜͇͔͍̰d͉̈́̅̇̔̒̆.͕̅̐̓ ̱̍̒ͣ̓̌̈͜ภεΔ

>>>>>>> File index past Datestamp 151921 Unloadable...  
>>>>>>> Reload Index?   
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> C O M P L E T E ;;;

..  
../  
LOGIN >>PN1481.   
IMPUT PASSWORD [1481]  
{???}  
IMPUT PASSWORD [PN1481F]  
{???? Why isn't that working, that's regulation default?}  
IMPUT PASSWORD [ ]  
{Uh.}  
IMPUT PASSWORD [Nea]  
{I had to ask Tech. Why did I change it to that?} 

Personal text:   
1.  
I had another meeting with Lord Ren today. This is the fourth time this week, and keep getting more frequent. He did not wear his mask today. He looked like ----- and I appreciated that he wasn't -------------- from myself in age. He seems like a --------- boy.   
I don't really think I trust him yet, though.   
2.  
Nobody wanted to sit with me at lunch today. I don't really mind it, though. My head was already swimming with strain and I think anyone trying to engage me in conversation would have only made the ache worse. The food wasn't that good anyways, so it was best I was in and out of the space quickly that day. I went and lifted for a bit to get a voice out of head that wouldn't go away when I tried to sleep.   
3\.   
I won the sparring matches. Not many people participated in them after the mission. I don't think they were in as good of a mood as I was.   
The troopers I competed with seemed to admire my fighting technique. A few of them stopped to talk to me when we were done. A young female looked impressed with me.   
I killed 13 people on my mission today. I believe that brings my count up to 127 this month. According to the statlogs, my accuracy is by far the best in the underranks.   
4.  
Lord Ren has given me a name. It's a very pretty one, too. He calls me Phasma. He says it is a word from an ancient language. He says it means   
"prodigy"   
but I looked it up and it also means  
"apparition, phantom, omen, monster”.   
He has also given me a small signal ring. He says if anything goes wrong within my quarter to twist it clockwise 4 times to signal him. I feel like I have been endowed with something terrible and powerful.


End file.
